Yesterday, on our drive home from San Francisco, Tony and I talked all about what the Lord has done for us and how far He has taken us from where we were not too long ago. I remember those hard years and can't believe where we are now. Something that stood out to me in our conversation that I don't want to forget was my realization of the Lord being my closest friend through my darkest days. On the days and years that I had no one else to speak to, Jesus was there. Always. I remember setting up my kids to watch a movie so that I could go out on our back deck and literally cry out to the Lord, hands open, pouring my soul out to Jesus. He heard everything. My time with the Lord was so needed for my survival. I don't write that to be dramatic either. I needed Jesus every moment. The days on my back porch, the car rides I took alone to the store or to work, the walks I took to catch my breath, the moments alone in my bedroom, all of them were sacred moments that I treasure. Some of my prayers took years to be answered but I'm walking in so much answered prayer now. We are living out our redemption story and it feels like new life.
Things I was hopeless in but still prayed for, I'm walking in now. I never want to forget or take for granted this life the Lord has given me. When life seems easier I can stop going to the Lord as much as when walking in desperation. But I don't want to allow myself to forget all that the Lord has done. The impossible became possible because of Jesus. I can confidently look back at my life and see that the Lord heard every word I ever said to Him... even the words I couldn't speak out loud, He still knew. I've learned more of the deep love of God for me in my pain than in any other season of my life. The Lord was with me at every moment. My closest friend. I remember waking up and could hardly wait to get my coffee and head outside to be alone with the Lord. I have memories of time spent with Jesus that are some of my dearest moments in life. How incredible to be able to walk so closely with our Creator? How wonderful that He values us and loves us enough to spend time with us? I'm amazed and so grateful to be His. To know Him and to be known by Him is just amazing.
"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!"