It wasn't that long ago that I was sitting in my minivan, driving alone, blurry-eyed and tears pouring down my face as I prayed out loud, looking like a crazy lady to passersby I'm sure. I told Jesus everything I felt, everything that hurt, everything that felt impossible, and I was very specific in my words...
And it wasn't just that time in my minivan that I spoke those words and cried those tears. I had countless moments in my bedroom, on walks, in my journals and any other moment I had where it was just me and Jesus. I wasn't always sure how the Lord would answer me but I knew that if there was any hope in what I was facing, that Jesus was the only One who could do it. I remember praying and having those "woe is me" tearful sobs sometimes and the Lord never let me wallow in self pity but would gently lead me back to scripture verses, to loving my husband and showing me how deep His love was for my husband, to loving my children and giving me vision for their future and reminding me that my life wasn't just my life but that I was in a position of having such a massive effect on THEIR lives and THEIR future and THEIR relationship with Jesus. This world tends to preach that our life is about the pursuit of happiness but the Bible preaches that our life is about the pursuit of JESUS and eternity and that what we do impacts those around us.
In light of eternity, my happiness isn't the priority.
In light of eternity, Jesus is the priority.
Those prayers I prayed for years, every single word I spoke were heard by the Lord.
I learned so much in those years of what it meant to be fervent in prayer.
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
I looked up the word "supplication" and it was defined as, "to humbly or earnestly ask another to provide something"... I wrote it in my bible, ink smearing, and thought, "ok, this is what I'm doing... humbly and earnestly seeking Jesus for help that only He could do."
I can wholeheartedly look back at everything that we walked through and see God's hand in it.
In every single bit of it He was faithfully walking with me, with us.
I'm watching the Lord answer every.single.word.
He is bringing
He is making all things new.
He is writing our family's story and it's laced beautifully with His grace and mercy and miracles.
I'm so thankful that He never gave up, never stopped in His pursuit of us, never closed his ears to our cries and whispers and everything else in between.
He had a plan all along.
Did we make mistakes? Too many.
Did He flood us with forgiveness and purpose? More than I can express.
He has given us a testimony and a hope to encourage others that
NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE
for the child of God.
“God never witholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good. God's refusals are always merciful -- "severe mercies" at times but mercies all the same. God never denies us our hearts desire except to give us something better.” ― Elisabeth Elliot
He has indeed given us something far better then I even knew how to pray for back then. Our happiness wasn't God's priority, our souls and His redemption story were. But happiness and joy have 1000% swooped in and flooded our souls in the telling of His story in our lives.
Would I want to walk through that all again?
But was it worth what I have now?
A million times yes.
The redeeming and restoring work of Jesus is always worth the cost.
Praying for anyone reading this that this brings encouragement to your heart in whatever place you are in that God is listening, that He loves you and that He has a plan and purpose for your life.
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."